So far, so good. I love all of my professors with the exception of my government instructor whose voice is slower and more monotone than my own! I didn't think these kind of people really existed...I thought they were only in movies and in Clear Eye commercials. But aside from my drone of a professor, I had a rather interesting day. I ate breakfast with my family this morning at a restaurant where we happened to sit across from my ex-boyfriend's brothers and his wife. Intuitively, I smiled at them as to acknowledge their existence and rapidly found the seat at our table furthest from them. Unfortunately, his family and mine are well-acquainted since we were together for a very long time, and his brother's wife decided to get up and greet us. HOW INCREDIBLY AWKWARD!! For the record, our relationship didn't end in friendly terms...and our families instinctively found their way into our fiasco, so you can understand the level of uncomfort I felt being approached by one of them. The hand-shaking and fake concern for one-another went fine, however I was unable to indulge myself into any form of significant conversation with my family because they sat in a table that literally faced us. I was disconcerted, to say the least. I can't help but wonder what they were thinking when they saw me, since it has been several years we last saw each other. I only ask this because I wonder how different I seem now in comparison to who I was many years ago. I'd like to know that all my work has not gone in vain and that I am a better person now than then, but I guess that sort of thing would not be best evaluated by people with whom I have conflict. I'm tired of hearing that I look the same when I meet up with people I haven't seen in a while--that's not a compliment, that's an insult. No, I don't want to look older but can't you tell that I have evolved into a better me? Really?
Seems like I don't have any mind-boggling perceptions today as I was blown away by my first class in Philosophy of Religion. I love it! The concepts that were presented to me in this day alone have left me in contemplative silence. There are so many things to take into perspective when studying philosophy, and it's all so logical...who could argue with such ideas? I might take this up as a new hobby...
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Personal evolution doesn't show on the surface, Darlin'. It happens on the inside and in your head. The most positive way to show them you've evolved is NOT being disconcerted by coming face to face with your past. So it didn't end well--Okay--but you are doing great now. Let them see it in your words and demeanor. You are not the same person now you were then. Great! Let people see the 'you' that is now. It's wonderful to learn new things and to broaden your intellectual horizons. It's even better to wear those horizons on your sleeve for everyone to see. Stop being so self-conscious and be more the strong, independent woman you are evolving into.
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