Thursday, January 14, 2010


      So I spent a huge chunk of my time yesterday trying to get to places I have been before. I took my aunt to the wrong art supply I had in mind (I meant to go to another and ended up in a place I didn't even realize I remembered), I couldn't find my blog or figure out how to sign in...but I figured everything our just before I gave up (it pays to be persistent). On the upside, I got some cheap art supplies that I've been wanting to try out for a while--charcoal and those blendy-paper thingies I didn't know existed. GO FIGURE, looks like I may have a hidden talent. For the record, I can draw pretty well with a pen or a pencil, but I have never touched charcoal. I did not know that drawing with charcoal would come so naturally to me. I kinda like this feeling of unexpected accomplishment, but I have yet to show these to someone I'm posting them here for all (or whoever stumbles into this blog). Squeeeeak! (ahem, that's my happy noise).

      On a more serious note (a quite random one at that), I am preparing for the following months of self-inflicted stress coming up as school starts on the 19th. Although I love school, I can't help but wonder what this term is going to bring for my relationship. It damn near ended it last time, but I guess only time will tell.

....enough of my rambling....

      As for my deeper perceptions of life, my mind is plagued with them. There are so many, in fact, that I find myself doing nothing more than worrying about where exactly I want to be in life, what image am I going for (and is it the right one), and who am I, really? I think it's true that no one knows who they are because there are so many aspects that affect public opinion of oneself. Public acceptance is desirable, therefore we aim to reach the epitome of this ideal by mimicking each other while trying to outdo the other--a never-ending cycle.  It is infinitely difficult to remain true to oneself while retaining a publicly acceptable persona. Oftentimes I think that personally enlightened people are the weirdos and outcasts that society sets aside because they don't adhere to the common ideals.  I don't want to be "cool", because nothing good really comes from that mainstream personality, but I still want to connect with others. If you really think about it, all those people are looked up to because they have immoral, harmful, or simply inane actions and ideals that heed to the common lust for power, wealth, and glory. I don't want that. I just want to be me, but how does one go about searching for it? Several years of my life I spent my days impulsively making sure that every decision I made was opposite to the common response, and all that time I thought I was being myself. What a laugh! How do you keep your beliefs and your morals alive when making decisions? How does one stay true to themselves without becoming an outcast? What should your morals be and why? And for that matter, what is true "good"? Perception is key, but which is right?

1 comment:

  1. I have always said you are a gifted and talented individual. Your work is good. As for the rest--don't over-think it. Take deep breaths and evolve. Trust your instincts and don't give in to second-guessing yourself.